i know not a lot of people read my journals anymore. after all, i haven't updated in a long while.
but i really need advice this time. i'm confused. i dont know what to do.

a few months back, i received an offer from my friend daisy to go live with her in Singapore. i wouldn't have to pay for anything. hell, i wouldn't even have to lift a finger when we get there. she just wants a companion to live with because she said she'd be too lonely. i said i'd think about it. i wouldn't accept her offer without me getting a job though. i refuse to live off her. my conscience wouldn't let me. i figured, i'd get a job now, save up, move out, work some more then me and daisy would fly to Singapore in about a year and a half. i'll find a flight attendant job, and disappear from my family's radar forever.

last saturday a received a call from my mother.
she was fuming at my uncle for changing the deeds of the house from my name, to his name.
she said i should be wary because if my grandma dies, i'd be left homeless.
honestly, i didn't really see what the big deal was.. i can honestly say i have a lot of friends who would be more than glad to live with me. and i'd be happy to rid of the house.
of course i didn't tell her that.
anyway... for some strange reason, she decided it was time for me to get back to school.
back to college. she offered to sponsor my tuition fee to CSB if i take up HRM.
i was shocked and happy at the same time..
i told her i'd be inquiring about the admission process as soon as i can.

after i got home this afternoon, when i finally had a bit of alone time, something hit me like a ton of bricks.

if i take up my mom's offer to pay for my tuition, i wont be able to go to singapore with my friend.
i wont be able to be a flight attendant.
i wont get my dream.
i wont be able to rid myself of my annoying family.
that's not good.


IF i take the college offer...

i won't be able to go to singapore.
i wont be able to work
i wont be able to graduate on time to be a flight attendant.
bye bye dreams.

IF i take the singapore thing,

i wont be able to go back to school for let's say.... 6 years.
it'll be harder for me to find work (but hey, it's so easy to find a job now.)
my family would probably hate me more. (then again who needs them.)
and i'll be living in the mercy of my friend. (my conscience and that girl who lives in my head would never let this one down. she'll prolly torture me with this knowledge till i drop dead unless i save up my own money.)

gah.
but god knows i wanna go back to school badly.
but i really really really want to be a flight attendant.

guys, ibon oh!!

XD

just know...
i dont want to make a big deal out of this.
there's no need to pick sides because there are no sides.
and i dont play games.

*shrugs*

we're all grown ups.

sa mga nakakaintindi, so just drop it. chill.
sa mga hinde..
well...

IBON O!! ANG LAKI!!! IT'S BEHIND YOU!!

it's been quite a long while since i last wrote in my journal eh?
actually, i have quite few typed up in my laptop but since i'm using the cafe's computer, i dont have it with me.

right now, i still dont have the internet..
and my phone's been stolen so i dont have that much contact with the outside world.
grandma still refuses to give me money for my little disappearing act so i can't go out.
i really need a job now.
lolz
i quit hsbc because i was miserable there.
i literally had to drag myself to work every damn day. and i know, the company deserve better than that.

i cant tell grandma i lost my phone, she'll go ballistic and accuse me of so many stuff again.
i have to get a replacement on my own.

i miss talking to people.
i miss hanging out with my friends.
i feel so cut out from the world.
and i think somethings wrong with me.
and i pray to god that my hunch is wrong..

my chest pains have increased from 5-6 times a week to nearly 4 to 5 times a day.
it's getting harder to breathe.
then again, maybe its the emotional stress.
or the amount of second hand cigarette smoke i've been taking in.
i have no reprieve from it now.
back then, i was atleast safe from 2nd hand smoke when i'm at home.
my cousin smokes and no matter how many times i tell her to close the veranda door when she smokes, she always forgets. so now i wake up every morning inhaling her cigarette smoke.
majority of my friends smokes now too.
i swear, if i die its gonna be because of lung cancer.

why did i have to fall in love? it sucks.
i want my life back to the way it was.

ok, so today was my first day at hsbc. i've just been informed that were not call center agents.. were EXECUTIVES. LAWLZ can you believe that? anyway..

i like the place, it feels like a giant college to me.. well, a fancy one anyway... its litered with posters and billboards filled with phrases like..

"this is where your learning journey begins."

i mean cmon, wouldnt that feel like a school to you.

from now on, im calling it the academy.
XDD

only downside, no inet or cellphones...
well, we di have inet over breaks.. XDD

i guess thats ok.. not as fun as tm.. but at least it pays..

oh yeah,,

to and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYS!! XDD

PARTY TIME!!

XDDDD

uh, can you guys spread the word? someone took my beige leather hat and my blue 3rd generation ipod from our demeat table at komikon last saturday..

if anyone has seen it? can you atleast return the hat?
i mean seriously, an ipod i could understand, but a hat?

if anyones seen it, or have any idea where it is, please, send me a note.. or give it back. thanks.