i know not a lot of people read my journals anymore. after all, i haven't updated in a long while.
but i really need advice this time. i'm confused. i dont know what to do.

a few months back, i received an offer from my friend daisy to go live with her in Singapore. i wouldn't have to pay for anything. hell, i wouldn't even have to lift a finger when we get there. she just wants a companion to live with because she said she'd be too lonely. i said i'd think about it. i wouldn't accept her offer without me getting a job though. i refuse to live off her. my conscience wouldn't let me. i figured, i'd get a job now, save up, move out, work some more then me and daisy would fly to Singapore in about a year and a half. i'll find a flight attendant job, and disappear from my family's radar forever.

last saturday a received a call from my mother.
she was fuming at my uncle for changing the deeds of the house from my name, to his name.
she said i should be wary because if my grandma dies, i'd be left homeless.
honestly, i didn't really see what the big deal was.. i can honestly say i have a lot of friends who would be more than glad to live with me. and i'd be happy to rid of the house.
of course i didn't tell her that.
anyway... for some strange reason, she decided it was time for me to get back to school.
back to college. she offered to sponsor my tuition fee to CSB if i take up HRM.
i was shocked and happy at the same time..
i told her i'd be inquiring about the admission process as soon as i can.

after i got home this afternoon, when i finally had a bit of alone time, something hit me like a ton of bricks.

if i take up my mom's offer to pay for my tuition, i wont be able to go to singapore with my friend.
i wont be able to be a flight attendant.
i wont get my dream.
i wont be able to rid myself of my annoying family.
that's not good.


IF i take the college offer...

i won't be able to go to singapore.
i wont be able to work
i wont be able to graduate on time to be a flight attendant.
bye bye dreams.

IF i take the singapore thing,

i wont be able to go back to school for let's say.... 6 years.
it'll be harder for me to find work (but hey, it's so easy to find a job now.)
my family would probably hate me more. (then again who needs them.)
and i'll be living in the mercy of my friend. (my conscience and that girl who lives in my head would never let this one down. she'll prolly torture me with this knowledge till i drop dead unless i save up my own money.)

gah.
but god knows i wanna go back to school badly.
but i really really really want to be a flight attendant.